I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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