I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
