I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
