My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
