you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
