$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
