I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
