He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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