I cannot find my penis.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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