ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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