I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
