Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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