Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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