It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
