Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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