You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
