mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
