My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize