a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize