You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She bit a glass in half.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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