I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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