I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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