sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize