Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Pants are for mortals
Randomize
