just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
