remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Randomize
