your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
