what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
