if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Randomize
