Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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