; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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