please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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