so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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