Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
