I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
