Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
