Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
