I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
