Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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