New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
