If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
foreskin is a definite game changer
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
