Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
