I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
