Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
