Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
