I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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