I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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