I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
