i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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