I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Randomize
