He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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