My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
