I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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