dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
