recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
