gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
