I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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