I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You took a bar mat shot.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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