census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
