i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
