I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
