I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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