I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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