I can't watch pbs sober anymore
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
