who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
